One writes against memory, not with it. One writes to measure loss.

Today is the anniversary of my father’s death; tomorrow is the anniversary of the loss of my mother. Like the gradual glitch of shifting faults, almost unnoticed, the loss of both parents brings one to the edge of abyss of one’s own mortality. The realization of their absence in my life creates a viscosity in my heart; a space in my bulwark against the world that I realize will remain forever unfilled.


Tonight I grieve, as I have grieved over them from the moment of their passing. I do this not out of filial duty, but out of immense respect for who they managed to be, given the severe exigencies of their war-torn lives, and out of love – their greatest gift to me. Their love enveloped me in a cloak that is with me to this day. She set me free – literally. She sent me into the arms of a free world, giving me up so I may escape the tyranny that bound us all at the time, knowing that by so doing, she may never see me again. He gave me all that he was capable of giving, and worked tirelessly to make a new, better life for us. She gave me humor and grace, the ability to love that which is beautiful, to sorrow over another’s pain, taught me the importance of friendship, and the need to help another whenever I could. He gave me determination and perseverance, showed me the satisfaction to be found in a job well done, and taught me that only my best effort was acceptable. Neither one was perfect, and as I grew up, I slowly learned to forgive them for that. And as I matured, and developed the ability to see people and the world from several perspectives, I came to realize that they were, indeed, extraordinary people.


There is no experience quite as stunning as when there is nothing where something has always been. I still find myself wanting to pick up the phone, call one of them, and tell them about some event in my life. It has been over 2000 years since Virgil penned “sunt lacrimae rerum” – “There are tears in things.”  So I shed my tears, replay in my mind a kaleidoscope of images from our lives together, and work to be worthy of their memory. An individual life can appear to be isolated and without purpose unless recognized as contributing continuity to lives that precede it and follow it endowing each human span with rich universality. For life goes on, then it goes on some more.


This entry was posted in Thoughts & Musings. Bookmark the permalink.

28 Responses to Memory

  1. Linda says:

    Memory is an important part of our life.

  2. Moon says:

    was very touched by your words.maybe because, for me, there is still a big place of pain that has to do with my relation with my mother that is alive.i was touched and inspired, not to say envying your state of being and loving and respecting your parents, seeing the greatness of them – being human and graceful-yet not perfect(who is? )and I\’m sure by respecting and cherishing their memory and loving them the way you describe -makes you a better person, a beautiful being!

  3. Linda says:

    Thanks a lot for your bless. My business trip is ok. I\’ll back to shanghai today, LOL!

  4. redvelvet says:

    Absolutely beautiful… you must have been truely blessed with such wonderful parents… & their character has shown through you as well… Sending blessing your way…~Redvelvet~

  5. Deborah says:

    Oh that you were my son or grandson…..This is truly moving…..I love reading your blog (and I\’ve now bookmarked it so I can find it easily)Sorry about the "learning English" thing.I thought I had referenced it when I did the trackback….Check out the update to my space and please accept my apology!

  6. SANDRA says:

    My Dear Philosopher of the Heart and Soul..How I feel your words..your intense love and respect that you give your parents..Let me tell you Jorge..They did very well…look at their son…you who are made in their image of their strength, their compassion..their supreme love and sacrifice….they did all for you..and you have been able to carry it on through you..and again through your children…they will live and be loved forever in your memories and the memories that you pass on to your children..and they to their\’s…I love your site are a remarkable person …one who enriches all the lives that you touch…mine as one.Eternally…Sanddee

  7. Fructose says:

    Hi Jorge,You have a very imaginative space here and I enjoy reading all your posts especially the humor entries. Laughter is really a great way to relax. I add a link of your site so I can visit again, have a great day ahead!

  8. Tartylicious says:

    I do love your posts and I visit here as often as I can. Great writing! Sending love from me to you! ღღღHappy Spread the Love Day ღღღ

  9. Linda says:

    Thank you very much for adding me here. Your blog is already in my list ;-).Nice weekend!

  10. the1stephzen says:

    I am catching up on blog reading today. The writing about your parents is warm and heartfelt. I love the water piece and chocolate…while what else can I say about chocolate, except "GIMME SOME!"

  11. Deirdre says:

    Thank you for this. More than I can say. Not only do you honor the memory of your parents, you honor life itself.

  12. Unknown says:

    Beautiful writing, it sounds a sif they gave you alot, it\’s a great quality to be able to love and see love- even with imperfections.Thank you for your sweet comment on my blog, it touched me… especially given the subject matter.

  13. redvelvet says:

    Just flying by to send some love your way… it\’s "Spread the Love" Day on Spaces Blvd!!!

  14. Cheryl says:

    I am moved by your words. It demonstrates much insight and sensitivity. May Wakan Tanka be with you during your time of grieving.Thaks you for visiting my space. if you don\’t mind I would like to add you to my list of great sites. That way I will remember to visit you often.Cheryl

  15. Debbie says:

    Your writing was especially poignant because it\’s almost the 20th anniversary of my dad\’s death.(Aug. 10, 1985) I am so thankful that my mother is still living. Thanks for your touching words.

  16. Jaime Campbell says:

    I bet that I\’ve said, "Wow" at least 5 times since I finished reading your entry. You are a wonderful writer, Jorge. Really wonderful. You captured with words the exact feeling that I was trying to describe to my husband yesterday…"There is no experience quite as stunning as when there is nothing where something has always been." I lost my Dad almost 4 years ago and I still think, "Oh, I\’ve got to tell Dad this" or, on a holiday, "When will I talk to Dad today?" It is stunning.And "For life goes on, then it goes on some more." It was a pleasure to read your blog. Thank you for visiting mine.Peace to you. Jaime.

  17. OMG says:

    Thank you so very much for your very kind comment…It is appreciated greatly…The road is going \’up-hill\’ at present – hope it stays this way for a while…Even attempting the humorous Blogs again… *grimaces big time*…Take care alsoBelle

  18. Larry says:

    This came from you at a perfect moment for me. I just returned from visiting my parents. My mother has an inoperable cardiac problem and is moving closer to the end. My father has a combination of Lymphoma, Prostate Ca, and metastatic bone Ca. Neither will be here much longer and my thoughts were on the void that will be in my life when they are gone in a few months. This was perfect timing, Thank you for sharing these thoughts. Come by the cave anytime for a visit. Larrry

  19. Marie says:

    There is a saying in Japanese:"Children are the mirrors of their parents."I can see what your parents must have been because you are what they were: loving, thoughtful and caring.Hugs, Marie

  20. Kathryn says:


  21. Kathryn says:

    (ps by the way, thanks for visiting my blog—I know "wow" isn\’t much, but I\’m touched by your writing and had nothing more to say.)

  22. Jaime Campbell says:

    Hi Jorge. Thank you for what you said on my site. Your words were so kind and very, very appreciated. I\’ll take your wish for soothing salves and have sweet dreams tonight. Hey, I had THE BIGGEST CRUSH on a guy named Jorge Hernandez in high school. Oh my God. I adored him! (He barely knew that I existed…he was a Senior, I was a Freshman)…:)Peace. Jaime.

  23. Unknown says:

    An excellent tribute to your parents! You were and are very loved by them. You have learned much and continue to grow! Embrace your grief, for to be truly alive is to be passionate and that my friend you are! Celebrate Life!Mark

  24. Lakota Clay says:

    My relationship with my parents was not as you describe your own, and yet I can appreciate your beautiful words. The sense of loss is so strong! I think it finally hit home when I woke up after the last funeral and realized, "My god. Now I\’M the oldest in my family."

  25. k says:

    this is really moving J.. you have a way with penning your thoughts so well…. would be adding you to my list to keep in touch…

  26. KAT says:

    Jorge-This was a lovely read -I got all misty and stuph! *smile*lol Even more beautiful is the fact that it shows your love and adoration of your parents, and that you appriciated their role in who you are, the man you have become!!Plus, I read it in the shadow of leaving my oldest daughter at college! And, I miss her.V. Nice..TYKat

  27. Nellie O Apple says:

    Oh, my apology! Your space is awesome!

  28. Holy says:

    It was neat to read this post from last year after this year\’s post you did on the same theme…same poignancy, different year.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s