Cat Physics

I, along with a number of you who are reading this, have friends or relatives in New Orleans, and are appaled and pained by the devastation this hurricane has inflicted on that part of the country, as well as the psyche of the Nation. Being human, however, there is only so many images of suffering and devastation that I’m capable of processing before I have to search for a sharp instrument in order to end the misery, or turn to some other distraction to halt the visual and auditory inflow of tragedy with which the media is bombarding us all. For those of you in need of similar distraction, there is…
 

Cat Physics

 

1 – Law of Cat Inertia

A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some

outside force – such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying

mouse.

 

2 – Law of Cat Motion

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason

to change direction.

 

3 – Law of Cat Magnetism

All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct

proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

 

4 – Law of Cat Thermodynamics

Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat,

in which case all heat flows to the cat.

 

5 – Law of Cat Stretching

A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap

just taken.

 

6 – Law of Cat Sleeping

All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as

uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

 

7 – Law of Cat Elongation

A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top

that has anything remotely interesting on it.

 

8 – Law of Cat Acceleration

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready

to stop.

 

9 – Law of Dinner Table Attendance

Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

 

10 – Law of Rug Configuration

No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

 

11 – Law of Obedience Resistance

A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to

do something.

 

12 – First Law of Energy Conservation

Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will,

therefore, use as little energy as possible.

 

13 – Second Law of Energy Conservation

Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

 

14 – Law of Refrigerator Observation

If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and

take out something good to eat.

 

15 – Law of Electric Blanket Attraction

Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of

light.

 

16 – Law of Random Comfort Seeking

A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot

in any given room.

 

17 – Law of Bag / Box Occupancy

All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the

earliest possible nanosecond.

 

18 – Law of Cat Embarrassment

A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times

the amount of human laughter.

 

19 – Law of Milk Consumption

A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

 

20 – Law of Furniture Replacement

A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost

of the furniture.

 

21 – Law of Cat Landing

A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

 

22 – Law of Fluid Displacement

A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of

milk consumed.

 

23 – Law of Cat Disinterest

A cat’s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of

effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

 

24 – Law of Pill Rejection

Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape

velocity.

 

25 – Law of Cat Composition

A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn’t Matter.

This entry was posted in Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Cat Physics

  1. YEAHBaby says:

    Hello there,Cool space, I really loved it. Keep up the good work.Feel free to visit my space and leave a comment whenever you want to.(**,) Would you like to add me on my MSN messenger?If yes, then here\’s my e-mail: xox__l3al3e__xox@hotmail.com .. it\’s a little bit complicated, so copy, and paste it, it\’s better for you, hehe.•.¸¸ .•´")) -:¦:-¸.•´ .•´"))((¸¸.•´¸.•´ .•´"))-:¦:- ((¸¸.•´ ¸.•´ .•´"))((¸¸.•´¸.•´-:¦:- ((¸¸.•´¯`•.¸¸. MysticaL

  2. Marge says:

    Thank you, Jorge!Yes, we all send prayers and support to those beleaguered souls. Mother Nature is generally abeautiful and kindly soul; every so often, though, she has to let loose so we remember exactly why she must command our respect.Wishing you peace.Marge

  3. Jaime Campbell says:

    Hi Jorge, I love this one: 6 – Law of Cat Sleeping- All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.I can\’t tell you how many times a night I have to move "Tiki" off of my feet!Have a great day. Jaime.

  4. JouElam e says:

    Hello!

  5. Unknown says:

    Thanks for stopping by my site! Thanks also for Cat Physics, which made me smile. I miss my kitty so much and can\’t wait to get a new one. Hope you\’re having a good week.-Sandy

  6. David says:

    thanks for paying me a visit! I would be honored if you find a use for my piece in your class…. footnoted of course 🙂

  7. OMG says:

    HelloJust passing and saw the lightStopped to say \’Hello\’Hoping you are \’travelling well\’Take careBelleLove the \’Cat Physics\’…Basically love anything \’Cat\’…

  8. KAT says:

    Thank you…! V. cute! Correct—– I needed the diversion! ……….it is breaking my heart to watch these people -now in survival mode! *sniff*

  9. A Utah Woman Am I says:

    Hi,Thanks for the comment on my space. I have to agree with the cat physics, and I found them rather amusing since I am currently taking a physics class right now. You seem to be one with great insight, I will be back to seek more.Take Care!

  10. Fructose says:

    Law of Cat Chemistry:Cat = Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn\’t Matter by analogy it therefore follows:Cat= Atoms + Electrons + Group Protons

  11. the1stephzen says:

    Good, much needed post!

  12. Nellie O Apple says:

    To JThank you for stopping by at my doorstep -my msn space :)I love classic poetry and classical music. For short, I am classic. J/KTake care,nell

  13. Lakota Clay says:

    Thank you! You give me a smile when I most need one. L.

  14. Deirdre says:

    Hi Jorge,This was a much needed post! I hope your friends and relatives in New Orleans are safe. I am OK–thank you for asking. I\’m not too far from there, but am far enough inland that we were spared the brunt of the storm, though we lost power for a couple of days. I am just now finding out how bad this thing really was, and I am shocked at the way it\’s being handled.Deirdre

  15. David says:

    very funny jorge…. oh and thank you so much for you kind words!

  16. Marie says:

    Thanks for the distraction.Hugs, Marie

  17. dawn says:

    hahaa..:-) thks for thatbut did you cook up the theories or are they proven facts or bits of both?d~

  18. Deirdre says:

    You\’re right about being responsible for our elected officials. It\’s something most of us seem to forget. And rather than complain, it\’s good that we can do something in the meantime. I\’m glad your community raised money for the Red Cross. I don\’t have any money to give, so I\’m probably going to volunteer my time.

  19. A Utah Woman Am I says:

    Hey J-Stopped by to wish you a great weekend! I hope you enjoy the 3-day vacation. Go out and do something fun.Until I return, take care of yourself!-K

  20. Jaime Campbell says:

    Hi Jorge,Just stopping in to say hi. I love reading your comments on my space and on others. You always make me feel more peaceful. Thanks for the joy. Love to you. Jaime.

  21. gj says:

    just found your space. appreciate the distraction as I watch my two cats stretch and twist their bodies into knots as they nap. amazing everytime I see them do it. they are sick of all the extra attention since the Hurricane. but they\’ll get over it.amazing message from New Orleans. I\’m sure there are many stories out there yet to be told.

  22. redvelvet says:

    lol very cute… thanks for another morning chuckle!!! 🙂

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