Date Application

My thanks to all those who have stopped by here over the last few days to offer Christmas good cheer and wishes for the New Year. The holiday caloric levels have still not returned to their baseline levels, and my brain remains adrift in hazy glow left by the last slice of linzertorte I managed to stuff in my mouth. For those of you have recovered, and especially for those who have daughters of dating age (as well as their potential suitors) I offer the following application form:
 

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER 

 This application will be Incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, lineage history and current medical report from a doctor of my choosing.                  DATE OF BIRTH________________ NAME:___________

HEIGHT:                     WEIGHT:                                                   IQ:          GPA:_______DL#___________SOC.SECURITY  :                                         

BOY SCOUT RANK:                                           SUNDAY SCHOOL ATTENDED:________________ Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?__________If "NO" explain on back of this page

Number of years parents married                   Any brothers or sisters?                 Are they normal?_____________

Do you own or have access to: a van _________ A truck with oversized tires                                     A waterbed_________ Do you have an earring, nose ring or belly ring?_____________ A tattoo?___________

(if yes to any of these, discontinue application and leave premises immediately)

In 50 words or less, what does the word LATE mean to you? _________________________________________

In 50 words or less what does “Don’t touch my daughter" mean to you?

In 50 words or less, what does the word “NO" mean to you ? ___________________________________________

In 50 words or less, give your definition of "Real Pain": _________________________________________________

Church you attend:                                                                                                          how often do you attend: S, M, T, W, Th, F,

When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and minister?________________________________ Please fill in the blank:

A    If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my ______________

B    If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my_________________________

C    A Woman’s place is in the _________________________________________________________

D    The one thing I hope this application doesn’t ask is________________________________________

E   When I meet a girl  the first thing I always notice is her_____________________________________

F  What do you want to be if you grow up?____________________________

I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm dismemberment, torture or natural disaster.

Signature of Applicant____________________________________

Signature of Father_________________________                      Signature of Mother _____________________________________

Signature of Minister_____________________________________

Signature of State Representative

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4-6 weeks for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don’t  call  me!  I’ll call you!

This entry was posted in Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Date Application

  1. Aaron says:

    Hahahahha……..an application to date your daughter eh…..pretty funny.

  2. Michelle says:

    HEHEHEHEHE!Hilarious. Thanks for making me laugh.I am so full. I must have gained.. .hmm well, nevermind. LOL I am still in denial. ;)Hug,Michelle

  3. Jaime Campbell says:

    Big smile. J.

  4. Charlotte says:

    What a way to go!!!! You are too funny!!! hugs, lottiemae

  5. Gelert says:

    Ok, here\’s the answers to the last bit:A If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my brain!______________B If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my: Nose! It\’s so beautiful!________________________C A Woman\’s place is in the _________________________line with her winning lottery ticket!!_______________________________D The one thing I hope this application doesn\’t ask is: What is the capital of Burkina Faso_____________________________________E When I meet a girl the first thing I always notice is her___brain (of course)__________________________________F What do you want to be if you grow up?_____old, wise, and content, having done all that I wanted (and should) have doneHappy New Year, love visiting your blog._______________________

  6. the1stephzen says:

    Pretty funny. In reference to your remark on my blog, I think my blues have more to do with DTR (defining the relationship) than with Christmas. Lets just say most of those quotes help a person who wants to be steadfast in the absence of communication from the other one when he/she is gone That\’s why finding the quotes was so good. Please, don\’t comment about my DTR blues son my blog. That\’s the one thing I usually don\’t make public….except in lyrical form.

  7. Cheryl says:

    Cute…I printed it out and gave it to my daughter since 11 will be dating in a few years. We hope many years from now actually.

  8. Lakota Clay says:

    Jorge, hate to break it to you, but children of the female gender, of an age who date (speaking from experience) would simply fake the whole thing, or introduce you to their best friend\’s boyfriend instead. (and then theirs would look good by comparison!) Now what about an application for a teenage child to drive the car, alone, for the first time???Have a happy new year, Jorge! L.

  9. SANDRA says:

    Ohhhh I love this Jorge..I laughed so hard!!!!Dearest Friend …may you and your loved onesExperience through the HolidaysAnd the Year to come..Abundant love, joy and PeaceGood Health and Plenty…Eternally….Sanddee

  10. Jaime Campbell says:

    Hi back, Jorge! I\’m just stopping in to say that I hope that you had a wonderful day!Peace.Jaime.

  11. Patricia says:

    This isn\’t too farfetched, Jorge…My granddaughter is only two, but the thoughts already go through my head…Our little neighbor boy (about eight months older than her) always wants to hug and kiss her…I told his mother to tell him, when he turns 16, that he has already been there and done that…lol….

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