How long is a year?

I received a message from my friend Marge the other day, congratulating me on the one year anniversary of my blog. For those of you who know Marge from prior visits to her Space, this kind of thoughtful attention is in context with her character – while pleasantly surprising, it is not shocking. What is shocking (at least to me) is that a WHOLE YEAR has gone by since I posted my first missive here. Like many other things about life, the time seems a lot shorter to me. On the other hand, considering the number of new acquaintences and kindred souls I have found in this period, it seems longer, as well. Sometime during the past year, I remember riffing on the subjective appreciation of time in a piece brilliantly titled "Time". (Inspiration is often in short supply during the wee hours of the morning.) I’ll shut up now. Here, instead, are some other paradoxes or oxymorons for you to consider. (Thanks, Fulton.) Hope you have a relaxing weekend.
 
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2.
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3.
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4.
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5.
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6.
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7.
Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8.
Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9.
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10.
Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11.
Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12.
Doesn’t "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13.
Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14.
Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15.
Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16.
If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17.
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19.
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20.
Why is bra singular and panties plural? (I said this before, but it bears more reflection.)

21.
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22.
Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23.
How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24.
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?

25.
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26.
Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27.
Christmas – What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
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19 Responses to How long is a year?

  1. Jaime Campbell says:

    # 27 cracked me up.
     
    Marge is so sweet, isn\’t she?  She is a real source of comfort and peace for me.
     
    Happy Anniversary on your blog!  I am, personally, quite grateful that you started when you did, because yours was one of the first that I found.  And it\’s a special place.
     
    Hugs,
    J.

  2. Cheryl says:

    marge is great.  She made note of my one year anniversary a few days ago.  I had seen all of the paradoxes on your list before except  Christmas – What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
     
    That was great…thanks

  3. Joe says:

    Hey J,
    I\’ve been swamped with work lately preparing for an 8 week sabbatical.  You\’d be surprised how many people panic and desperately need something at the "11th hour".
     
    Can\’t say I\’ve met Marge, but it\’s like Will Rogers said "Strangers are just friends we haven\’t met yet".
     
    But since your topic here is about how twisted our language can be, I\’d like to pass on a couple of good reference books I keep handy:
     
    Merriam-Webster\’s Dictionary of Allusions
     
    and
     
    Dictionary of American Slang (3rd edition by Robert L. Chapman & Barbara Ann Kipfer).
     
    Later,
    -Joe

  4. Jaime Campbell says:

    Thanks, Jorge.  Your comment meant a lot.  🙂
     
    You have a great rest of the weekend, too.
     
    Hugs,
    J.

  5. Kathryn says:

    I, too, have been blogging a year! Happy New Year! *smiling*
     
    and I laughed at those "snippets" …
     
    and, as well, thank you for your comment about my writing …it always gives me a lift…always.

  6. Lakota Clay says:

    Christmas,  sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of your socks!  Beautiful! It would be interesting to do such a definition about all the holidays.  We have some pretty weird customs! 
     
    Thanks for the Sunday morning smile.  L.
     
    P.S.  Sometimes the wise guys are a lot more fun & entertaining than the wise men!  🙂

  7. Betty says:

     
    Hi Jorge,
     
    Thanks for the chuckle and Happy Anniversary!
    Betty

  8. PJ says:

    Evening Jorge,
     
    I am laughing hysterically @ # 16 and 18. This is a great entry,. Thank you for the laugh.
     
    FYI….Why quit "bopping"? Just get back to work…winks…
     
    Until next time..Keep Smiling.
     
    ~*~Paula~*~

  9. Stephen Craig says:

    Jorge,  When my year One rolled by back in Febuary I had similar thoughts.  Sure have come to know a lot of fine people in here.  Have even been able to help some of them out of dire straights.  That alone makes it all worth while.
    Happy anniversary!  As ever be well.  Stephen

  10. Aafrica says:

    a whole year already! sometimes i wonder if the buzz would have shifted (from blogging) to something else before i reach my one year.happy anniversary!

  11. Gelati Farms says:

    Greetings Jorge…
     
    Abbreviated is a very long word.  It was even longer before they shortened it. 
     
    Happy Anniversary to you…celebrate?  Don\’t mind if I do.  Your words are gorgeous, your photos are stunning.  Which reminds me…next time you travel to Italy, I might hop into one of your suits and zip myself into your garment bag and stow away.  Flipping through you pictures of Italy made me miss it desperately.
     
    Hope your weekend was lovely.
     
    Alison
     
    p.s.  I read the poem about feet.  The last three lines made me smile…

  12. Charlotte says:

    All great thoughts to ponder…. thanks for the chuckles… hugs, lottiemae

  13. Marge says:

    Um…Jorge…I had planned on leaving a philosophical comment for you tonight. I find, instead, that I have collapsed into a paroxysm
    of laughter.
     
    You\’ve gotta work with me, here…
     
    Seriously, though (seriously???), thanks for the chuckles, food for thought and visual delights you\’ve shared with your visitors over the past year. I, for one, look forward to more in the coming year.
     
    You are a true gentleman and raconteur.
     
    Peace and love, always…
     
    Marge
     

  14. Gelert says:

    What worries me, is that I was coming up with answers to some of those!!!! I need an early night.
    Great fun that was. We humans do say some really daft things.

  15. Fructose says:

    I may be found out as I never lied, cheated in the neighborhood. If not, I have accepted that. What shall we expect in a year of blogging? Maybe you know me more than I ever realized.
     
    I love reading your intellectual, witty stories and anecdotes, thank you. 
     
    Anniversaries soften my heart, Happy One Year!
     
    Hugs,
    Maria

  16. Jaime Campbell says:

    Just coming by to see how you\’re doing.  I hope you\’re having a terrific Monday.  I am!
     
    Hugs,
    Jaime.

  17. A Utah Woman Am I says:

    Why hello there Jorge!
     
    My word it surely has been awhile since I have been by and I do apologize.  Things have been busy on my end.  Classes have ended for the summer and I have been helping my family move into a new house from our old house of ten years.  But the change is nice and I think that they will like it in this new neighborhood.
     
    As always it is a joy to visit your space and I thank you for your kind \’come back soon\’ wishes as I am glad to be back and be able to comment on your space.
     
    Congratulations on the year marker!  I still do not recall how we bumped into each others space, but I am glad that we did.  Your blog is always a joy to read and ponder over.
     
    I hope to be able to come by and visit for as long as I can.
     
    Until next time, take care Jorge and I will be back soon!
    Kelsey

  18. Suzalita says:

    I love your thought provoking lists! Thanks for the laugh and congrats on your anniversary!

  19. Magenta says:

    Congratulations on your one year anniversary, Jorge.  You have been crossing paths and karma with people that you otherwise would never have touched.  Like me. Keep it going.  (Listen to that when I have slacked off lately)  I have learned that bloggers need breaks too. Take care,
    elise

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