The countdown is approaching its climax – just a tad over five days left until Christmas. For all those who’ve been nice all year round, the pressure is on not to slip up in the home stretch. As for the naughty, is it possible to get back into Santa’s good graces with so little time left? Do you really think that a big donation to the elves relief and welfare fund will score enough points to neutralize those lumps of coal for which you’ve been slated? As for me, I’m trying to keep to the high ground, spend as much time as I can with my visiting son, all the while dealing with the stressed out and the lonely that this time of year inevitably brings to my professional door. I chose the easy way out for this piece by retreating to the archives, and offering to you the following item certainly appropriate for the season. And to all my blogland friends who’s Space I may not be able to personally visit during the next ten days, I offer my heartfelt wishes for a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!
CHOCOLATE – THE ALL CONSUMING PASSION
For those of you for whom chocolate is not just a passing fancy but a philosophy by which to live, but whose cravings are afflicted with guilt about health and nutrition, I offer the following items.
1) Chocolate is a vegetable. How, you ask? Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Beans are a vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
2) To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk,
which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.
3) Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all
count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
4) If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too
5) The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store
in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
6) Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the
edge off your appetite, and you’ll eat less.
7) If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the
fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the
chocolate to protect themselves.
8) If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is
that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other?
9) Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look
younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.
10) Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That
way, at least you’ll get one thing done.
11) A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of
calories in one place. Now, isn’t that handy?
12) If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?
13) If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can’t let that happen, can you?