Chocolate – The All Consuming Passion

The countdown is approaching its climax – just a tad over five days left until Christmas. For all those who’ve been nice all year round, the pressure is on not to slip up in the home stretch. As for the naughty, is it possible to get back into Santa’s good graces with so little time left? Do you really think that a big donation to the elves relief and welfare fund will score enough points to neutralize those lumps of coal for which you’ve been slated? As for me, I’m trying to keep to the high ground, spend as much time as I can with my visiting son, all the while dealing with the stressed out and the lonely that this time of year inevitably brings to my professional door. I chose the easy way out for this piece by retreating to the archives, and offering to you the following item certainly appropriate for the season. And to all my blogland friends who’s Space I may not be able to personally visit during the next ten days, I offer my heartfelt wishes for a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

 

CHOCOLATE – THE ALL CONSUMING PASSION

 

For those of you for whom chocolate is not just a passing fancy but a philosophy by which to live, but whose cravings are afflicted with guilt about health and nutrition, I offer the following items.

 

1) Chocolate is a vegetable. How, you ask? Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Beans are a vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

2) To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk,
which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.

3) Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all
count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

4) If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too
slowly.

5) The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store
in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

6) Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the
edge off your appetite, and you’ll eat less.

7) If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the
fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the
chocolate to protect themselves.

8) If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is
that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other?

9) Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look
younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.

10) Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That
way, at least you’ll get one thing done.

11) A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of
calories in one place. Now, isn’t that handy?

12) If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?

13) If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can’t let that happen, can you?

 

This entry was posted in Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

28 Responses to Chocolate – The All Consuming Passion

  1. Marge says:

     
    All excellent reasons and justifications for my particular passion, Jorge!! Thank you!
     
    I attempted to give up chocolate once: my head throbbed, my eyeight grew fuzzy, I was unable to walk without falling over, I sweated profusely, my pupils dilated.
     
    It was the longest hour of my life.
     
    Thank you for the continuing gift of your friendship, good sir…you elevate the activity of blogging to the realm of the sublime. And the occasionally silly. Thank you for both!
     
    Peace and love, always…
     
    Marge

  2. Deborah says:

    That was funny, but I am still shaking my head in disbelief at Marge\’s comment.  Why on Earth would anyone attempt to give up such a healthy food!!  As for being able to go from naughty to back on Santa\’s list, remember Ebenezer Scrooge.  He did it in a matter of minutes!!!  I am delighted to hear that you are being a nice girl, but where is the challenge in that?  Merry Christmas, and Happy Yule thoughts from me.
    Blessed be, 

  3. Aafrica says:

    but it\’s true that dark chocolate prevent cancer and heart disease, no?wish you a merry time with your family during the holidays!

  4. PJ says:

    Good Evening Jorge,
     
    May you always enjoy Hot Chocolate with all your loved ones.
     
    MERRY CHRISTMAS, Jorge.
     
    Until next time…Keep Smiling.
     
    ~*~Paula~*~

  5. Cheryl says:

    I am so glad your son is there.  Yes it is a sad time of the year for many people.  I have committed to do a group on Christmas with 4 clients who are depressed and lost their children.  I should be home in time for dinner and will count my blessings that many do not have…  Be well and enjoy your family.

  6. K says:

    I am one of those that keep Chocolate in the freezer despite recently hearing to not do that!  I don\’t eat it that often and not an addict!
     
    Just stoping in to wish you and your family a wonderful Christmas and Holiday Season… may the new year bring you many blessings and new opportunities!
     
    Ciao,
    KC

  7. Joe says:

    Hey J,
    When a 6 ft, 240 male comes into the store and with a straight (no pun) face asks for control top panty hose…well, I\’ll just stick with the dark chocolate (less sugar & milk, more theobromine).
     
    So here\’s a good one.  My wife calls me up at work and says she has caught the puppies (60+ pounds each) have opened a fed-ex pkg and were feasting on the chocolate, well I had to go to a website for some info.
     
    If your dog should be so ill behave as to open your chocolate Christmas goodies, here\’s the scoop:
     
    http://www.talktothevet.com/ARTICLES/DOGS/chocolatetoxic.HTM
     
    Happy Holidays,
    Joe

  8. CJ says:

    This has completely changed my perspective on chocolate!  I\’ll be offering huge heapings of this beneficial vegetable along with the turkey, gravy and all the trimmings.  Yummy!  Thanks for stopping by.  I wish you and yours a wonderful Christmas.  Please be safe this holiday season.  God bles!

  9. Unknown says:

    what a sinful blog 🙂
     
    good to read it at christmas time. now i can indulge myself. merry christmas my friend.

  10. Stephen Craig says:

    Jorge,
     
    Ho…Ho…Ho…
     
    I want to stop by and wish you the very Merriest Christmas, and Happy Bright New Year, my friend!
     
    As ever be well,
    Santa Stephen

  11. Tim says:

    Thanks for visiting, and I wish you and yours a happy and blessed Christmas.  Sorry I haven\’t written more!  I keep telling myself I need to, and then one or another distraction takes me away from blogging. 😦

  12. Theresa says:

    Great entry! My all time favorite – Dark Chocolate – mmm mmm good!!  😉
     
    Have a wonderful and safe holiday!!

  13. Charlotte says:

    hahaha….  That\’s pretty great… and now I understand that research backs up your Chocolate theory!!!  Hope you don\’t mind if I take a copy of this.  And you have a Merry Christmas…  hugs, lottiemae

  14. Hope says:

    Hello,
    Thank you for visiting me over at Essence..
    I love your post.. chocloate.. but alas.. I think I have ate far to much this holiday season already..
    something that I thought could never happen.. getting to much chocolate..
    I hope your have a wonderful time with your son.. and that this Christmas season will be very blessed
    for you ..
    Christmas Hugs ~Hope

  15. lima says:

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  16. the1stephzen says:

    Merry Christmas, Christmas Chef!

  17. Gelert says:

    Chocolate may just be the undiscovered wisdom of the ages. If so, I need to start eating and eating now. Thanks Jorge for your blog and your words and being you over the past year. I hope you have peace and safety over Christmas.

  18. Pamela says:

    Hi Jorge!
    Have a wonderful Holiday weekend and a Happy New Year as well!
    Do I need to ask if you\’ve seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? LOL!
    Warmest wishes and many Blessings.
    Peace.

  19. Zeynep says:

    Happy new year Jorge!!!

  20. RICHARD says:

    Merry XMAS and a healthy New Year to you and your family Jorge!
     
    Rick

  21. Marie says:

    May the blessings of Christmas be with you always.
    Hugs, Marie

  22. Gayle says:

    Merry Christmas, Jorge. And to you and your family a joyous New Year filled with wonder and sweetness.
     
    With lots of Love,
    Gayle

  23. Linda says:

    Sorry I\’m bit late but still wish you have a happy christmas and a wonderful new year!
     
    All the best
     

  24. Holy says:

    Hope you had a wonderful Christmas and that your son is enjoying his visit.
     
    Happy holidays, Jorge – I\’m eating chocolate chip swirl pancakes right now – guilt free, thanks to you!

  25. David says:

    I am not sure why; I am not as hung up on chocolate as many.  In ice cream it is my least favorite (after cookie dough – blee-agh!) and I don\’t care for chocolate cake – again my least favorite (but brownies – YUMMM!).  I do like chocolate candy, but not as much as I like some other stuff.  Anyway, hope the Xmas was merry. 

  26. Lisa says:

    I think Santa and I are permanently on a disagreeing basis.  That fat, old man doesn\’t realize that I really *am* good all year.  (How many centuries can you spend in a land of permanent ice before your senses start to go, anyway?).  And I tried getting in good with the elves.  They like cold, hard cash, but it makes Santa a little snippity when he finds out.  Ah, well.  I hope you did have a lovely visit with your son.  Thanks ever so much for the chocolate post.  Based on that, I had chocolate chip cookies for breakfast this morning. 😉

  27. Edith says:

    Amen.  Now, where do I sign up for this wonderful club?

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