I’ve long ago have come to the conclusion that life is way too short, not to mention frequently absurd, to be taken too seriously. That’s why, when I look back and see my postings taking on a serious tone, or I find myself pontificating as if somehow I had the answers to the problems bedeviling most of us, I need to step back and lighten up. I know of no better way of doing this then by sharing with you the words of one of my favorite humorists, George Carlin. Here are a few of my favorite Carlin’s New Rules for 2008:
- No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it’s for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn’t gift giving; it’s the white people’s version of looting.
- Don’t eat anything that’s served to you out a window unless you’re a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy’s chili. Hey, it costs less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?
- If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you’re a dope. If you’re a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you’re a grown man, they’re pictures of men.
- Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here’s how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we’re done.
- Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn’t make you Spiritual. It’s right above the crack of your buns. And it translates to ‘beef with broccoli.’ The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren’t pregnant. You’re not spiritual. You’re just high.
- I don’t need bigger mega M&Ms. If I’m extra hungry for M&Ms, I’ll go nuts and eat two.
- If you’re going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what’s playing on the other screens. Let’s remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that idea wasn’t good enough to be a movie.
- When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to hear ’27 months.’ ‘He’s two’ will do fine. He’s not a cheese. And I didn’t really care in the first place.
- And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, there’s some guy offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can’t even tell if he’s supposed to be there, or is just some freak with a fetish. I don’t want to be on your webcam, Dude. I just want to wash my hands.
- I’m not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing ‘Enter,’ verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don’t want cash back, and pressing ‘Enter’ again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
I smiled. Thanks Jorge. I love the balance you strike in your blog.
Thanks Jorge! I needed that. My Fav: Tattoo! Love it!
That was truly funny. Made my day!!
I needed a smile, Jorge…
Often we are too serious 🙂
*choOortling* Jorge:hey, that tickled good 😉
Good Morning Jorge,
Ahhhh…George Carlin. Hysterically funny man. Yes, I have seen this and if I am not mistaken…I may have posted it as well in an earlier entry. Never the less, it always makes me smile. Thank you!
Until next time…Keep Smiling…
*~* :o) if you do not have a smile today… :o) I will give you one of mine… :o) *~*
Pontificating is a great word, and probably a bad idea in a blog, but we all do it from time to time. I know I feel it justifies having this space thing going on in the first place. Does anyone care if I am moving, taking a holiday, or do they really give a rat\’s you know what about my politics? Gelert is right, keep the balance, and I love Carlin. I have been to see him twice, and that other guy making up the rules Bill Mahre once. At least George is taller than me.
Thank God life and people and our collective antics are absurd – blogs included – or there\’d be no George Carlins.
I love the baseball cards, tattoo and bathroom attendant ones…
And now I\’m craving an Almond Joy. 🙂
I think we all need a smile.. and this sure brought it..
winter is almost over.. Or at least I keep telling my self.. I really do believe I should have been a bear..
hybernation is lovely when one can do it.. and if not.. then George Carlen helps sooths the harhness of being awake..
hope you and yours have been well, and keeping warm..
been below 0 the past three days.. more like -27f below.. not nice..
BUT.. spring is just around the corner.. a hop skip and jump..
now we just have to whisper that in the groundhogs ear..
soft hugs Hope
RE: Your comment on my space.if you had posted in German, Jorge.. i would go to the translator to try to decode it, instead of leaving worthless words dangling in the space. peace, dawn
haah wowow good ones
i loved them all
abt my dry mouth doc
i went to check ups i had diabetic tests …i had thyroid gland tests
i bought a vapo machine its now back in his box…
i use a lot of chewing gum …
i dont drink coffee…..so thats not the problem
but there are worse things in life….dr…gave up he said u have to live with it
so now i do..
but those sleepless nights i wake up every half hour coz of that dry mouth i need to drink quickly coz it really hurts and then it take time to sleep again
well i keep on smiling
Thanks for sharing those.
Hello Jorge… all need a smile
Life can be easier with a smile and you made me smile
Hugs and have a great week
LAUGHING — especially the first one – dagnamit but I\’m sick of registeries- I told Rog "I am so surprised someone hasn\’t started a Christmas gift registery" – I mean, really! Is that next (or is someone already doing it? bleah PAH! Bah Humbug! laughing)
Thanks for the humor… Needed a good laugh.. As always, was great to stop here… hugs, lottemae
Way too funny
Thank you – I so love the "hippy dippy weatherman!"
Very Funny. George brings crabby to an artform.