Poltitcs

For those of you who have been stuck in an underground shelter awaiting the end of all days, politics is in the news. With appreciation to my friend, Fulton, here is an old simple guide updated with new modern revisions.  Enjoy your weekend. 

 

DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and 
 

 then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty 
 

 times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production 
 

 but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish.
The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.
They  make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

MEXICAN CORPORATION

You get the “coyotes” to illegally send the two cows across the boarder and have the American Government send checks back to Mexico for the cows not to produce milk. Same as we do our farmers in America , for years, for not growing crops.

 
This entry was posted in Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Poltitcs

  1. Nina says:

    That was "Moo Hoo" funny to read! I like the socialist cow version the best! HAAAA! Maybe that\’s because I\’m from a socialist country! Thanks, I enjoyed it! ~Nina

  2. Gayle says:

    That\’s the funniest political descriptor I\’ve read in a while.  Some were a bit over the top for me, but I smiled none the less!  I especially liked the American, French and Italian corporations.Nice to read you, as always.Gayle

  3. Beth says:

    I do believe you hit the proverbial nail on the head with this one.  LOL

  4. Joe says:

    Hey J,
    I actually wrote my post moments before I came over to visit your blog.  I think there is  a theme that recurrs and will continue until we elect the next Presidente.  Then we get about an 8th month reprieve before the next elections.  It\’s neurotic, but I get back in my my car after polling and use hand saniitzer like that will cleanse me of the process.,

  5. Kathryn says:

    Hello there Jorge! *smiling at you*

  6. Marge says:

     
    Shoot.
    Barbara Streisand has never sung for me.
    I\’m going to switch…
     
    Thank you for the smile today, Jorge; it\’s a nice ending to a fabulous week for this girl.
     
    Marge

  7. Stephen Craig says:

    Jorge,  Thanks for the visit and the smile.  Politics to me is a can of worms sitting next to a hornets nest.  Glad I am only a simple painter and sometimes bad poet.  Smile!
    As ever be well,
    Stephen Craig Rowe

  8. Charlotte says:

    Good analogy!!  And also thanks for the tribute to motherhood.  Blessings to you.  hugs, lottemae

  9. Jane says:

    Very amusing 🙂 Thank you for reading my poetry.

  10. Holy says:

    Yes, very tired of politics.  It\’s why I stopped blogging about it – I\’ve succumbed to a kind of dangerous apathy.Canadian Corporation:You have two cows.One hightailed it south to the U.S. under the Trad NAFTA agreement, and is now accused of being mad.The other moonlights as a bucking bronco at the Calgary Stampede where it sports an Alberta Beef brand.You send apology letters to the world under the masthead of Wursorryeh.k.d. Lang won\’t return your phone calls to be official spokesperson.You drown your sorrows with a Big Rock beer and a slab of bbq\’ed High River prime rib.

  11. Saksinee says:

    I love it ! very true.

  12. dawn says:

    (lol) so funny! you\’re tickling me, Jorge!! i totally adore your take on politics, but im so mixed genetically, patriotism too bland for me, i know not where i stand :Pp.S:manybthanks on the book recommendation, i shall check it out. peace is good. salutes! dawn

  13. barbara says:

    Here is my contribution:CAPITALISM
    — HONG KONG You have two cows. You sell three of them to
    your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
    your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap
    with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back,
    with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six
    cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman
    Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who
    sells the rights to all seven cows\’ milk back to the listed
    company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows,
    with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows
    because the feng shui is bad.

  14. Aimee says:

     
    ♥~♥ :oD the shortest distance between two people is a smile… :oD ♥~♥

  15. SANDRA says:

    Hello Jorge…I had to laugh at this especially the "Florida Corporation"…and darn\’d if it isn\’t true !!! (laughing again).  I leave in the morning to fly to Michigan to see my son Dan and family and spend time with my Great-Grandbaby.  Of course I am thrilled..I will be back home June 2nd…until then Dear One…stay safe and well until we write again….Give my love to your family,  love, Sandra

  16. Lisa says:

    I think I\’ll be blogging from France from now on.  {what great updates!}

  17. Joe says:

    Brutally honest, but beautiful.

  18. the1stephzen says:

    I love this one.  Thanks for the laugh.  I am not exactly political but I liked this.

  19. EbonyWyvernDragon says:

    This was HYSTERICAL (and, of course, VERY accurate! :D)Thank you for your kind wishes!Dragon

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