Headline News

The headlines in the news have been rather grim as of late. Seeing as it’s now Friday, and we all have to take a lighter view of life if we are to survive the coming week, I thought you might enjoy some of the following headlines from papers around the country, even if they serve as mute testimony to those missed opportunities for teaching English at many of our public schools. Be well.
 
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.  It took two or three readings before the editor finally realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!  They put in a correction the next day. 

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 
No, really? 

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 
Now that’s taking things a bit far! 

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 
What a guy! 

Miners Refuse to Work after Death 
No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s! 

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 
See if that works any better than a fair trial! 

War Dims Hope for Peace 
I can see where it might have that effect! 

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile 
Ya think?! 

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures 
Who would have thought! 

Enfield (London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide 
They may be on to something! 

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges 
You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?! 
  (Oklahoma’s construction program!)      🙂

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge 
He probably IS the battery charge!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren’t they fat enough?! 

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft 
That’s what he gets for eating those beans! 

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 
Never tried those

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half 
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!? 

Hospital Sued by 7 Foot Doctors 
Boy, are they tall! 

And the winner is…. 
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead 
…  Uhhh? … Did I read that right?
This entry was posted in Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Headline News

  1. Duckie says:

    ROFL!!!!!!!!  Have a great weekend, dear friend.
     
    Eileen

  2. Lisa says:

    Sigh.  One of my writing profs always used to drill into us that the beauty of writing is in the re-write and the edit.  The polishing. 😉  Thanks for sharing this.  (I can\’t decide, though, to laugh or to go teach public school ..)

  3. PJ says:

    Good Evening Jorge,
     
    Where on Earth did you find this? It is HILARIOUS. Thank you for the humor, but more importantly, thank you for your friendship. Have a glorious week ahead.
     
    Until next time…Keep Smiling.

  4. Jane says:

    Chuckle 🙂

  5. Beth says:

    Priceless Jorge.  Thank you!

  6. Holy says:

    those are classic and a most delicious read. 🙂  Have a bon weekend, mon amie.

  7. Marge says:

     
    Loved this, Jorge!!!
    A small confession here: our local "newspaper" is so amateurish (and has been for many, many years) that I used to sit down with the latest edition, a red correction pencil in hand. After post-editing it, I discovered (again) the d****d thing was riddled with misspellings, errors in syntax, tombstone headlines (minor headlines side by side in adjacent columns), sad errors in grammar and punctuation, and simply poor writing. Lest I appear arrogant, after my little exercises in editing, I mentally thanked Mrs. Harrison and Mrs. Williams for teaching me proper English usage and correct writing in grade school. They were two of the best in their day.
    Thank you for my first smile of the day!
    As ever,
    Marge
     

  8. Kathryn says:

    Love it ! Laughing….
     
    (and you caught me on my Clemmie post – laughing — yeah, I wasn\’t into it at all…I have some "irons on the fire" that have me quite distracted so it\’s hard to create the "New Stuff" on the Clementine "novel draft" …)

  9. Gayle says:

    You\’re right!  A little humor is good medicine.  Thanks, doc.
     
    Gayle

  10. J says:

    Butt laughing off!
    j

  11. Neora Chana says:

    Thanks!!!!!!

  12. Charlotte says:

    oh oh oh, I needed that… Thanks for the great chuckle.  My favorite (since Mr. G. is an electrician in a coal mine) is the one about the miners….  As a friend of mine always says, "From the day that yer born til you ride in the herse there isn\’t anything so bad that it couldn\’t possibly get worse!"  Have a great weekend.. hugs, lottemae

  13. Gayle says:

    Thanks for your words of appreciation.  I would be honored if you linked to my piece.Gayle

  14. Patricia says:

    the comments were as funny as the headlines…thanks for a much need laugh this morning, Jorge…

  15. Stephen says:

    Boy, some of those headlines are some real doozies, they crack me up!!!
     
    Thanks for the birthday wishes, it means a lot to me!!! 🙂
     
    Have a great rest of the weekend. 😉

  16. dawn says:

    L o v e  in Progress                                                                             *blarg*                                                                                                                                                                L i f e

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