An Eternal Question

I don’t know about you, but I will be very happy when this election is over. I don’t think I can stand to hear another political harangue or mindless exhortation to vote for or against some particular ballot proposition. Given my current frame of mind, I was quite pleased to receive from my friends Bruce and Ana the following list of replies to a question that has vexed many of us over the years:
 

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

SARAH PALIN:  Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

BARACK OBAMA:  The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN:  My friends that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:  When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road.  But then, this really isn’t about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH:  We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY:  Where’s my gun?

COLIN POWELL:  Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON:  I did not cross the road with that chicken.  What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:  I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY:  Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions.  I am not for it now and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON:  Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL:  The problem we have here is that this chicken doesn’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH:  Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE:  That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:  To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:  No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going.  I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.  No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:  Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA:  In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:  Isn’t that interesting?  In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:  It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:  Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:  I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.  Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS:  Did I miss one?

 

Hope you all have a frightfully good halloween and a relaxing weekend.

This entry was posted in Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to An Eternal Question

  1. Beth says:

    LOL Jorge and some truth in all of them.
    For me the election is over as I early voted last week.  Now I am tuning out all of the political lies.

  2. PJ says:

    Happy Halloween, Jorge!
     
    LOL..LOL..LOL..I really like what "GRANDPA" said. These are the b-e-s-t. May have to save this one.
     
    Until next time..Keep Smiling.
     
    Paula

  3. Patricia says:

    Love this , Jorge…but was it a chicken that crossed the road?…the folks have the right to know, and I\’m lookin\’ out for the folks…the spin stops here!…lol…

  4. Hope says:

    Laughing uncontrollably..  OH my dear, laughter is indeed great medicine I to will be so relived once this insane election is over and done with..hopefully we all will be able to pick up the pieces and start to rebuild.hope your halloween was delightful..hugs

  5. J says:

    Thanks Jorge! I\’m still able to laugh after all!
    j

  6. LORI says:

    Hi Jorge ~
     
    I, too, am so sick of this. I almost don\’t care who wins or loses anymore. JUST GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY!!!
     
    Loved the Chicken crossing the road remarks.
     
    I think all candidates are corrupt as power breeds corruption on all levels it seems.
     
    Have a wonderful weekend, K?
     
    Love, Lori

  7. Deborah says:

    Just after telling my sister last night that I can\’t wait for Tuesday to be over with, Bill Mahre reminded me not to wish for this election to be over because frankly it has been very entertaining and easy for comedy writers.  How true.
    Blessed be

  8. Marge says:

    Let\’s consider that question answered, once and for all, and thank you for a welcome break, Jorge!
    Gratefully,
    Marge 
     
     

  9. Garbo says:

    O GOD! Einstein stole my thought!!! I thought up that answer when I was about Dr Seuss\’ part!

  10. Theresa says:

    That was GREAT!  Thanks for the laughs…we sure need them righ now!!  Come on Nov 5th!!  ;=)
     
    Have a great week and thanks for stopping by!
     
    Theresa

  11. Patricia says:

    Just saying hello, Jorge…

  12. Neora Chana says:

    Love it!  I\’m at the bookstore and a friend and i got a good chuckle out of it.  Have a good day!

  13. Betty says:

    Hi Jorge,
    This is a great piece and my personal favorite is, of course, Dr Seuss!
     
    Betty

  14. Holy says:

    Love it…sums up this #()*%)%# campaign beautifully – our compelling need to grasp at humour to lighten things up.  Hence the SNL influence.
     
    I thought this whole thing would never end, honestly.  I\’m just sititng here today, sending out brainwaves and Obama consciousness to all who have the power to vote.  I really don\’t want to have to pack up and move back to Canada but a McP machine would leave little choice. 

  15. Fenix says:

    Genial!!! I am laughing now… to laugh is very necessary and it is a good medicine
    Hugs

  16. dawn says:

    (lol) it seems that plenty of you, Americans or rather most everyone in the world is about as revolted. Adrian, my friend too posted the exact same post and i stand with Einstein in reverse psychology 😛  Blessed be, my dear Jorge.  ((HUGS))d

  17. Jane says:

    When a man is evaluated by his integrity and ability, not his appearance, the world is indeed a better place.

  18. Kathryn says:

    OMG LAUGHING! when I got to the last one, I burst out laughing! ALl of them were funny, but that last one just did it for me — HAWWWW — love it!!!! 🙂

  19. Kathryn says:

    PS  – I\’m glad my dagum phone finally quit ringing – it got to be a joke — Andy Griffith even called *laugh* — but I\’d sit there and have a convo with them as if they were really there—well, at first I did, then after multiple calls a day when usually I may get one call a month on my land line – it was quite irritating…now the phone is silent again ahhhh

  20. Jana says:

    ahahahaha! I didn\’t know there can be so many answers for one question! 🙂

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