Death by Stupidity

The title of this piece was designed for the piece that follows, though it may just as well be applicable to our present day circumstances. Somehow, I just couldn’t bring myself to write something appropriate about our recent election or how it portends for the future of our country. Instead, I looked back in my archives for something that may bring a smile to your faces, something we all can use. With that preamble, here it is:

DEATH BY STUPIDITY

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed through

stupidity, here is some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On Sears’s hairdryer:  “Do not use while sleeping.”

(Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos:   “You could be a winner!  No purchase necessary. Details inside.” (The shoplifter special.)

On a bar of Dial soap:  “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (And that would be how…?)

On some Stouffer’s frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (But it’s *just* a suggestion.)

On Sara Lee’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):  “Do not turn upside down.”

(Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:  “Product will be hot after heating.” (As night follows the day…)

On packaging for a Black and Decker iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.”

(But wouldn’t this save some time?)

On Tylenol’s Children’s Cough Medicine:  “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:  “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights:  “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor:  “Not to be used for the other use.” (I gotta admit, I’m curious.)

On Planter’s peanuts:  “Warning: contains nuts.” (Talk about a news flash.)

On an American Airlines’ packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”  (Step 3: Fly Delta.)

On a child’s superman costume:  “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”

(I don’t blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)

This entry was posted in America, Humor, News and politics, Politics, Thoughts & Musings and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Death by Stupidity

  1. yassy says:

    I am going back to read this again.

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