For those of you who have daughters of the age where dating is a current or future possibility, this piece from the Archives is for you.
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
~ This application will be Incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, lineage history and current medical report from a doctor of my choosing.
DATE OF BIRTH________________ NAME:___________
HEIGHT: WEIGHT: IQ: GPA:_______
SOCIAL SECURITY NO: . DL NO:
BOY SCOUT RANK:
SUNDAY SCHOOL ATTENDED:________________
Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?__________If “NO” explain on back of this page
Number of years parents married Any brothers or sisters7 Are they normal?_____________
Do you own or have access to: a van _________ A truck with oversized tires
A waterbed_________ Do you have an earring, nose ring or belly ring?_____________
(if yes to any of these, discontinue application and leave premises immediately)
In 50 words or less1 what does the word LATE mean to you? _________________________________________
In 50 words or less what does “Don’t touch my daughter” mean to you?
In 50 words or less, what does the word “NO” mean to you 7 ___________________________________________
In 50 words or less, give your definition of Real Pain”: _________________________________________________
Church you attend:
How often do you attend: S, M, T, W, Th, F,
When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and minister?________________________________ Please fill in the blanks:
A If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my ______________
B If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my_________________________
C A Woman’s place is in the _________________________________________________________
D The one thing I hope this application doesn’t ask is________________________________________
E When I meet a girl the first thing I always notice is her_____________________________________
F What do you want to be if you grow up____________________________________________
I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm dismemberment, torture or natural disaster.
Signature of Applicant____________________________________
Signature of Father Signature of Mother
Signature of Minister_____________________________________
Signature of State Representative
Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4-6 weeks for processing. You will be contacted in writing if
approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don’t call me! I’ll call you!
Huh? Are you serious?
No, I’m not serious. Coming from the Archives, this piece did not come with a disclaimer label 😉