Trust

TRUST

 

At the time we emerge form the womb, we have it. Babies instinctively reach out to a figure approaching them. We begin with the tendency to trust, and then painfully learn that the world and the some of the people in it are not beneficent, and that not everyone can be trusted. Some translate their pain into a philosophy that trusts no one – shoot first, ask questions later. Yet, to survive both as individuals and a society, trust is required. Many of our institutions and professions have been severely damaged by the actions of some members who have abused the privilege of their positions, resulting in a general loss of faith in our clergy, doctors, dentists, judges, policemen, and elected leaders. The damage is not only to the innocent members of those professions, but to the institutions, to ourselves, to our children. If we didn’t believe that most people would follow the rules, we couldn’t drive a car, get on airplane, eat in a restaurant, buy food in the store, use a bank, or have a relationship. And speaking of relationships, there is no quicker way to end one than by lying or cheating. Samuel Johnson once observed, “We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us.” As for those who are willing to lie to us, their best punishment is not that they are not believed, but that they are incapable of believing anyone else.

 

How many of us had the experience of giving our trust to someone else, only to have it betrayed? The pain we experience at times like these is directly proportional to the importance of that person in our lives. For some, that pain is so great, their sense of self so fragile, that they create a shell, an impenetrable barrier around themselves, for they are too afraid to again risk making themselves vulnerable to another. In their attempt to protect themselves from the outside, they doom themselves to the inner angst of being separated from the rest of humanity. For most of us, we lick our wounds, look for previously unrecognized clues in the behavior of our betrayer (so we can protect ourselves in the future,) and with great trepidation, cautiously move forward, afraid, but driven by our need for meaningful contact with another, we hesitatingly reach out again. There is a wonderful scene at the end of the movie “Annie Hall” in which Woody Allen is talking about the problem with his brother, who thought he was a chicken. “A chicken? My God, why didn’t you take him to a psychiatrist, get him some help?” asks the other character. “Frankly,” replies Woody, “we needed the eggs.” We all need the eggs.

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20 Responses to Trust

  1. Kathryn says:

    I think my other comment went "bye bye"anyway-thanks for stopping by my blog.And, what an insightful post…well written, well said and how appropriate I see this after my post from yesterday.So many truths here….so many.

  2. Jaime Campbell says:

    Hi Jorge, I love this. It\’s so accurate. I know people who have gone into that shell and have only been able to partially reach out again. That makes me sad, and sadder still when it\’s someone with whom I want to be one to one real with. It makes me wonder why some people are able to pull out of the shell fully, some only partially, and some not at all. It doesn\’t always seem to be dependent on the degree to which they were originally hurt. Maybe it\’s about how old they were at the time of the injury, how long it lasted, and/or how much had gone on prior to it. Were they prepared? Were they defended to some degree or were they knocked completely off guard? I don\’t know. Anyway, I ramble on….Have a great day. Thanks for such a thought inspiring blog today.Joy to you. Jaime.

  3. Marge says:

    Greetings, Jorge.To me, trust is everything. Each of us has a personal definition of trust based upon our life experience. In a way, I believe it is an expectation: the expectation that a good and desirable consequence will result from a decision. Personally, I\’m a trusting soul. I would rather trust someone, extending the opportunity for something remarkable and wonderful to happen, rather than to expect them to prove themselves worthy somehow.I find it\’s important to temper the giving of trust with attention to intuition and just good judgment; most people are good-hearted. There are a few that, if we listen to our viscera, we know that too-friendly, trust-me demeanor is it\’s own best warning signal. If we could only remember this during election year…Thank you for a wise and thoughtful place to pause and reflect.Wishing you peace.Marge

  4. Any Flight Dot Com says:

    Thank you for stopping by my space and for leaving such a nice comment about teachers. Now that I\’m embarassed that I wrote the silly part about not wanting to go back go school. It wasn\’t so much that I didn\’t want to go to school as it was not wanting to see my summer vacation end.I\’m not a teacher, but a teacher\’s aide, and I\’ve always been very proud to be associated with the profession. I admire teachers very much because I really know how hard they work.

  5. David says:

    Very nice Jorge very nice. loved the Samuel Johnson quote.

  6. Marie says:

    Well said, well written. I enjoy coming here and reading all the wisdoms you share with us. Thanks.

  7. Lakota Clay says:

    You give me much to ponder, J. I have to think about it, and more importantly, to FEEL about it, and then I will respond. You have outdone yourself. Thank you. L.

  8. Jerry says:

    Been awhile since I came by here….glad I did. I love your insights. Hope all is well…..

  9. Fructose says:

    Not trusting someone means that we do not have full confidence in them and consequently we are not interested in pursuing a relationship with them. When we trust, or don\’t trust someone, we are typically associate trust with sincerity. The issue of trust is also linked with the reputation we develop for ourselves, whether positive or negative, cannot be divorced from assessments continually being made about our sincerity, reliability, etc. We develop a reputation for being trustworthy or untrustworthy through our actions. Much of this reputation comes from how we enter into making arrangements and being dependable around the agreements and commitments we make. Do our actions match our words?Sometimes when you are able to gain little by little the trust of a person, he opens up to you all past and present stories of his life and once you attain that trust.. never broke it because TRUST will now be the glue that will hold the relationship together.

  10. Debbie says:

    There\’s just something about your writing!I have major trust issues. I think a lot of it came from growing up with a policeman for a father. We always got the message that we shouldn\’t trust anyone…and now I don\’t.

  11. Stephen Craig says:

    Jorge, Very well written. As clear as a look in the eye, and firm handshake…..As ever, be well. Stephen Craig Rowe

  12. Any Flight Dot Com says:

    Thanks for stopping in yesterday, but stop in again. I added a photo in answer to the question in your comment.

  13. Deirdre says:

    Hi Jorge,This ranks up there with some of the best things you\’ve written on your space. Very thought provoking. Trust is everything, and I guess, from my own personal experience, it\’s at the heart of my ails and triumphs, as it is with all of us, now that I think about it. I know a huge thing for me is to learn to trust again, appropriately.I answered your question on my blog, but the name of the book is Eragon. I hope you enjoy it, should you decide to read it.Thanks again for being you. You and your words are truly a blessing in this crazy, hectic world.Wish you well,Deirdre

  14. the1stephzen says:

    Jorge,Somehow I have failed to list you on my blog list. I honestly thought you were already there! I will fix the oversight. Thank you for all the times you have been by my space and for your comments! Yes….trust…that\’s a big one, isn\’t it.

  15. Jaime Campbell says:

    Jorge, Hi buddy! How are you? Thanks for visiting. I\’m so glad to be home. I love being away, but this trip was difficult. Hubby has alot of sadness at the way things are changing near his cabin. Developments taking over little country stores that he grew up with. The old meadow where the goats and horses waited for visitors to feed them is now gone. Replaced with stripped land, dirt, and bulldozers. I cried with Hubby over these injustices and understood deeply the pain that he is in. I felt very much that way when Camp closed.I hope you are well and life is treating you kindly. Peace. Jaime.

  16. Kathryn says:

    By the way, I enjoyed Kingsolver\’s book, but haven\’t read that one — I\’ll have to check it out.

  17. Kathryn says:

    Yes, Jorge – it is looking for bad for our N\’awlins….. Man….:-(

  18. Larry says:

    Jorge, Right on the mark! We go into situations on the word of others (Iraq, Afganistan, Vietnam, to name a few major ones) and when we find we have been mislead we try and try to justify our choices. When we finally see the truth for what it really is, we then tend to view all persons in a position that requires trust with suspicious eyes. On a personal level it operates the same, We by nature want to trust, want to believe, but are ofter let down. Thanks for stopping by the cave. Work has been keeping me away for a while but I now have a little time to catch up on some of my little projects like bailing my front yard. See Ya! Larry

  19. dawn says:

    hey J~i like this post cos i identify with the feel… sucks big time. this world\’s a tortured place to be.you are pretty cool!d~

  20. Holy says:

    that is a great quote by Samuel Johnson and so true of bloggers in blogland, isn\’t it?

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